C.E.O Trent Kirk and 'partner' Shaun Cronin at a recent A.B.F.T.trip proving why they cant seem to shake that 'Elton John Award'
After recent abuse (verbal and emotional) from ABFT fans demanding an ‘ABFT CEO update’ I have given in to the pressure.
This edition will boast a new feature that outlines ‘What’s doing in the lives of the Founding Fathers’ and bring up to date the thousands of ABFT fans who forward their applications on a weekly basis to be members.
Before I delve too much into the success/failure stories that we all are, I will update you all on some breaking news regarding upcoming fishing trips that affect some of the struggling ABFT fisherman. In a mutual decision between the dominant ABFT fishing teams – Square Hooks & Domin8 have given the go ahead for the ‘Cellar Dwellers’ – Team ‘Cuttin Schmick’ [James Hanson & Ryan Jamieson] to get in some overdue practice together at Pancake Creek in mid October. The board of directors have allowed the pair time to repair their rusted reels, frayed lines & remove the fish scales and urine in their fuel tank from the last Poona Pisswreck’s Tour. The 4 night trip will give Team 'Cuttin Schmick' and their tour guides Brendan Grey and Matty Manly the opportunity to rebuild their broken fishing relationship and what we can only hope; rebirth what was once a team that others respected. According to reliable information brought to my attention, the team will be fighting an uphill battle with rumours of sexual tension between the boys being at boiling point.
What’s doing in the lives of the Founding Fathers!
Terry Castelli – Great news everyone! Terry would like to thank you all for supporting him in his battle to stop his ears growing. Doctors have told Terry that if he lets his hair grow just a little more and continues to pin his ears back 7 hours a day, he too can live a normal life. Unfortunately Terry hasn’t caught a decent fish since his Personal Best 28cm bream he got in 2009, so no photo’s.
Shane Fixter – After some recent talks with State officials, Shane has decided to leave the country for a ‘Snowboarding Trip’ until everything ‘clears up’. Enjoy New Zealand buddy. Before Shane fled the country he was focusing his time on weekends to deplete the snapper numbers in the Sunshine Coast so that all our kids can’t have the same experience. Thanks Shaneo
James Hanson – The ABFT President has been busy rebuilding his fishing reputation by planning the ‘Pancake Creek – Sausage Fest’ to redeem some confidence. James is still a fantastic looking man that regularly participates in hand milking horses and enjoys sucking the chrome of tow balls. James’s ‘horror’ year using his ‘rod’ has continued with buffing and polishing the only action it has got for some time. Hope you get nothing at Pancake Jimbo!
Ryan Jamieson – Ryan is happy to tell you all he is still highly unreliable and a terrible fisherman. Jemo has told me personally that he is pretty desperate to get some fish at Pancake to put a stop to the cruelty and abuse given to him after recent ‘mess ups’ over the past 10 years. Jemo has told me (CEO and reliable source) that he is at breaking point and gets really upset when everyone teases him about being useless on the water. Ryan said he often goes into the shower to muffle the sound of his whimpering. I hope nobody has cut a hole in your landing net Jemo.
Brendan Grey & Matty Manly – They boys have told me they are feeling pretty confident about beating Team Nasal Delivery at the ‘Poo jammers at Pancake 2010 Trip’. They emailed me last week giving me an update on their strategy to limit ‘Nasal Delivery’s time on the water and came up with a few shameful suggestions. One included smearing a collection of Brendan’s smegma on Jemo and Jimbo’s fishing line. You’re a pair of sicko’s!
Ryan, Roy & Dean – The boys have been very quiet in recent months. Some readers have emailed me in reports they are questioning their place in the ABFT due to a lack of social skills, shit taste in music and the fact they have come in the bottom 2 teams every competition they have been in.
Shaun Cronin – Cronin continues to live the city slicker lifestyle in his classy upmarket Brisbane unit. Last week, Shaun sent me a text message informing me he is still a scrawny and extremely hairy runt who has shocking taste in music. On a more positive note, Shaun broke the ABFT record for most amount of pulls in 24 hours with an amazing 9. Shaun said “It feels so dam good to beat the longstanding record” previously held by old timer Ryan Jemieson. He went on in his text message to say that he really really hopes the boys get jack shit when they go to Pancake.
Trent Kirk – With no surprise Trent has continued to succeed in all aspects of life. Trent has dominated the fishing scene and has begun mentoring aspiring ‘wannabe fishermen’ internationally. Trent continues to maintain his composure no matter how ‘hard’ the battle is. Recent feedback suggests Trent has a fine taste in music and is the most intimidating member of the ABFT. We all love you Trent!
Well there it is folks. Big news is that Team 'Cuttin Schmick' are sick of being shit and want some respect back, its just a shame the results don’t go on the official ABFT Honour Board and get their name along side Team Square Hooks. Loose lines boys
This edition will boast a new feature that outlines ‘What’s doing in the lives of the Founding Fathers’ and bring up to date the thousands of ABFT fans who forward their applications on a weekly basis to be members.
Before I delve too much into the success/failure stories that we all are, I will update you all on some breaking news regarding upcoming fishing trips that affect some of the struggling ABFT fisherman. In a mutual decision between the dominant ABFT fishing teams – Square Hooks & Domin8 have given the go ahead for the ‘Cellar Dwellers’ – Team ‘Cuttin Schmick’ [James Hanson & Ryan Jamieson] to get in some overdue practice together at Pancake Creek in mid October. The board of directors have allowed the pair time to repair their rusted reels, frayed lines & remove the fish scales and urine in their fuel tank from the last Poona Pisswreck’s Tour. The 4 night trip will give Team 'Cuttin Schmick' and their tour guides Brendan Grey and Matty Manly the opportunity to rebuild their broken fishing relationship and what we can only hope; rebirth what was once a team that others respected. According to reliable information brought to my attention, the team will be fighting an uphill battle with rumours of sexual tension between the boys being at boiling point.
What’s doing in the lives of the Founding Fathers!
Terry Castelli – Great news everyone! Terry would like to thank you all for supporting him in his battle to stop his ears growing. Doctors have told Terry that if he lets his hair grow just a little more and continues to pin his ears back 7 hours a day, he too can live a normal life. Unfortunately Terry hasn’t caught a decent fish since his Personal Best 28cm bream he got in 2009, so no photo’s.
Shane Fixter – After some recent talks with State officials, Shane has decided to leave the country for a ‘Snowboarding Trip’ until everything ‘clears up’. Enjoy New Zealand buddy. Before Shane fled the country he was focusing his time on weekends to deplete the snapper numbers in the Sunshine Coast so that all our kids can’t have the same experience. Thanks Shaneo
James Hanson – The ABFT President has been busy rebuilding his fishing reputation by planning the ‘Pancake Creek – Sausage Fest’ to redeem some confidence. James is still a fantastic looking man that regularly participates in hand milking horses and enjoys sucking the chrome of tow balls. James’s ‘horror’ year using his ‘rod’ has continued with buffing and polishing the only action it has got for some time. Hope you get nothing at Pancake Jimbo!
Ryan Jamieson – Ryan is happy to tell you all he is still highly unreliable and a terrible fisherman. Jemo has told me personally that he is pretty desperate to get some fish at Pancake to put a stop to the cruelty and abuse given to him after recent ‘mess ups’ over the past 10 years. Jemo has told me (CEO and reliable source) that he is at breaking point and gets really upset when everyone teases him about being useless on the water. Ryan said he often goes into the shower to muffle the sound of his whimpering. I hope nobody has cut a hole in your landing net Jemo.
Brendan Grey & Matty Manly – They boys have told me they are feeling pretty confident about beating Team Nasal Delivery at the ‘Poo jammers at Pancake 2010 Trip’. They emailed me last week giving me an update on their strategy to limit ‘Nasal Delivery’s time on the water and came up with a few shameful suggestions. One included smearing a collection of Brendan’s smegma on Jemo and Jimbo’s fishing line. You’re a pair of sicko’s!
Ryan, Roy & Dean – The boys have been very quiet in recent months. Some readers have emailed me in reports they are questioning their place in the ABFT due to a lack of social skills, shit taste in music and the fact they have come in the bottom 2 teams every competition they have been in.
Shaun Cronin – Cronin continues to live the city slicker lifestyle in his classy upmarket Brisbane unit. Last week, Shaun sent me a text message informing me he is still a scrawny and extremely hairy runt who has shocking taste in music. On a more positive note, Shaun broke the ABFT record for most amount of pulls in 24 hours with an amazing 9. Shaun said “It feels so dam good to beat the longstanding record” previously held by old timer Ryan Jemieson. He went on in his text message to say that he really really hopes the boys get jack shit when they go to Pancake.
Trent Kirk – With no surprise Trent has continued to succeed in all aspects of life. Trent has dominated the fishing scene and has begun mentoring aspiring ‘wannabe fishermen’ internationally. Trent continues to maintain his composure no matter how ‘hard’ the battle is. Recent feedback suggests Trent has a fine taste in music and is the most intimidating member of the ABFT. We all love you Trent!
Well there it is folks. Big news is that Team 'Cuttin Schmick' are sick of being shit and want some respect back, its just a shame the results don’t go on the official ABFT Honour Board and get their name along side Team Square Hooks. Loose lines boys
Yours faithfully
ABFT CEO and Founding Father
Kirky
ABFT CEO and Founding Father
Kirky
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