A.B.F.T. Tri-monthly eNewsletter...

WRITTEN BY TRENT 'RADDISH' KIRK.

INTRODUCTION...

Hi readers! This is the first Annual Boys Fishing Trip’s eNewsletter and comes after popular demand. This edition will entail unbiased articles written by various ABFT founding father members. For those who are unfamiliar with the ABFT phenonemen, here is its story.
In 2000, a group of hormonal teenage boys got the permission from their parents to take their fathers boats, tackle, fuel and food and go on adventures in the South East pocket of the beautiful Queensland. The handpicked crew all had a common passion: 1. Fishing 2. Drinking 3. Getting nude. From their initial camping trip at Skyringville (near Bundaberg) the ABFT crew has fought off torrential floods in 2001, starvation from not catching fish and most importantly the temptation to allow any girls from participating in ANY trips, making this a BOYS ONLY event.
Yes, I know this is taking a while to read but this needs to be said for the anticipated 2500 daily readers. Finally, a must have in the ABFT competition is a team name. Current teams in 2009 are; Team ‘SQUARE HOOKS’, Team ‘CUTTIN SCHMICK’ (formally known as NASAL DELIVERY), Team ‘FINDERS KEEPERS’ and Team ‘Domin8).

2009 AGM...

The A.B.F.T. Annual General Meeting (AGM) was held at Baffle Creek Headquarters between the 27th and 30th of November. In what is said to be the most important meeting of the financial year, Founding father James Hanson, brain child Terry Castelli, rookie Matthew Manley, number cruncher Shaun Cronin and CEO Trent Kirk all deliberated over the years success, mishaps and future trips for the growing phenomenon …ABFT.
As the year draws to a conclusion, some highlights included the narrow/controversal victory Team Square Hooks (Trent Kirk & Shaun Cronin) had at Turkey Beach in May. The infamous songs that each trip brings with it certainly put a smile on all of the boys faces with Taylor Swift – love story most undoubtedly becoming an ABFT icon along with classics such as Enrique Englasis – Don’t turn off the lights. Other highlights included Ryan Jamieson (aka ABFT Clown) and James Hanson’s public nudity.

SORTING THE BOYS FROM THE MEN...

With local boy Trent Kirk skippering team ‘Square Hooks’ and its most fierce competition team ‘Domin8’ showing poor form this trip, Square Hooks were clear favourites in this years BAFFLE BASH. The volcano like pressure build up was ‘released’ at 9am on Friday morning when the competition started. Team Square hooks clearly understood its competition was going to be pitiful and chose to get 4kg of fresh Baffle Creek River prawns for lunch and opted to use common sense and not fish during the unforgiving sun and poor tides during the day. To no surprise, team ‘Finders Keepers’ who defied all logic went fishing and came home with a severe sunburn, no fish and 40 empty beer stubbies. When the ‘anchorboy’ (Shaun Cronin) from team ‘Square Hooks’ was interviewed over the mornings proceedings, he told reporters that “he admires the resilience or all ‘Finders Keepers’ team members as they are so useless and continually bounce back and give everything a go”. Cronin went on to then tell reporters that he refuses to sleep in the same room as his opponents due to the ‘ape like’ behaviour from Matthew Manley.

CASTELLI ‘CLEANS UP’ AT BAFFLE...

A big congratulations goes out to Terry Castelli for doing what he does best. Terry’s perserverance paid off considerably and after a long weekend and did a great job cleaning the kitchen, bathroom/shower and floors. Mrs Kirk (owner of the AGM residence) told reporters “Terry really has a tough time getting respect within the community, it’s about time he got some recognition for his hard work”. At the conclusion of the AGM, Terry went home with two carpet burns on his knees and a big smile. THANKS TEZZA!!!

CELEBRITY VISITS ABFT HEADQUARTERS...

In what is to be believed the highlight of the trip for Rugby league fanatic James Hanson, Ryan Jamieson (team Cuttin Smick) made a guest appearance seconds before all teams took to the water for a night fishing session. With no rods, tackle and two cartons of beer, Ryan did what he does best and stole equipment off his opponents and drank…..drank…..and drank. To no surprise, he came home with no fish in his left hand and James’s hand in the other. With no bedding, Ryan and James (who slept naked) shared a single bed. Terry Castelli (who slept nearby) told reporters he struggled sleeping due to ‘Cuttin Schmicks’ unusual team bonding of giggling, constant nibbling of each others ears and whispering. The following morning Hanson strongly denied the used condom found on his pillow was his, he told reporters “I don’t need to use condoms, its not possible to catch what I’ve already got!”

MANLEY SPEWS IN HIS OWN SWAG...

Breaking news on early Saturday morning left ABFT members in tears when Rookie Matthew Manley was found lying in his own vomit. When interviewed witness Trent Kirk told reporters “the smell and memory of what I saw will stay with me for life. It was as if I walked into an abattoir. The smell is like nothing I have ever smelt before. How and why would a human do that to itself defies me."
When Matthew was asked this question he told reports about the importance of establishing himself as a consistent ABFT member and wants to set the benchmark high for drunk behavior. He went onto say “I feel intimated by all the existing members, they all have really ‘ripped’ bodies and can fish quite well….especially team ‘Square Hooks’. I thought to myself the only way I can gain respect in this competition is by taking out the prestigious ‘DOG AWARD’ (formally known as Drunkest On Ground).

CRONIN’S STRATIGIC EXIT PAYS DIVIDENDS...

Shaun Cronin’s ‘sickness’ came at a convenient time in the competition a day out from ‘pack up’. In the same weekend that Cronin was presented with the lucrative ‘Quality Fish Award’ Cronin landed numerous 50cm Mangrove Jack, a 60cm Jewfish and undersize moses perch. Opposing team members said it was a ‘sloppy’ and ‘uncharacteristic like’ performance from Cronin. It was a big weekend for Cronin who was also awarded with the ‘Elton John Award’. Shaun was voted the ‘softest and gayest’ person at the AGM and has been politely told to ‘lift his game’ for next years ‘Putang at Poona’ trip in March 2010.

‘FINDERS KEEPERS’ LOOSE THEIR GRIP ON THE TITLE...

A day out from the conclusion of the AGM, Matthew Manley decided to extend his stay an extra 24 hours. The risk paid off with him landing a 49cm Mangrove Jack….1cm shy of Trent Kirks 50cm ‘Snodger’. When ‘showing off’ his fish, Matthew embarrassingly dropped his fish in front of all founding father members. Consequently, Manley was told to leave the sleeping quarters and sleep in the back of his ute. When asked, James Hanson said “I feel sorry for him but he just can’t go around acting like a ‘shirt lifter’, he needs to man up and learn how to hold a fish……..Come on, everyone knows when you hold a fish you need to extend your arms towards the camera, to give the illusion of it being bigger than what it is…..pfft”